Field Report (FR): Being Direct

This is an experience of mine, which happened like weeks ago. I thought there’s lots to be learn so here.

I went to this cafe lots of times, but this cute girl only works in the morning and morning is not my favourite time being out. So I’ve seen her couple of times, we exchange eye contact but barely say anything for chic chat, aside my orders and she coming to collect the bill and telling me how much to pay.

The first time I saw her, I think she’s beautiful, she may not be over the top, model beautiful but she is beautiful to me. And while I’ve been learning more about energy, looking at her, just makes me feel good.  It’s like the “ahh” moment and sends good energy into my body like an inspiration.

I never thought of doing anything at first. The first time we made eye contacts, she smile, look side ways and look at me again. And I went into my mind, reference about this scenario detected. Yes I read about this. It’s an Indicator of Interest (IOI) still, I’m just there for breakfast, having a good time by myself.

So one day, I decided, I want to know this girl but because she’s shy, and I’m not in social mode in the morning, I never made real conversation with her. I asked for her name once but totally forgot about it soon.

So I just decided I’m gonna ask for her number since the social setting isn’t comfortable for us to talk at her work place. So I went to the cafe in the morning again, but I didn’t do anything about her. I was waiting for a somewhat perfect moment, didn’t happen.

Then, one morning, after she collect the money from me, I just go “give me your number” I wasn’t confident at all, my heart was bumping fast, and when I say those 4 words, my mind stop. Which reminds me of the time when I ask a girl at Singapore “Where can I get some condom” but this time, I wasn’t ready to burst into laughter, this time, I felt like I was going to die. She was shocked, but she complies.

Last week we talk about the my number closing day, and she told me there’s another guy who asked for her number but because he was too direct, she find it creepy so she didn’t.

To break down everything.

In terms of being direct, everything is calibrated as it’s direct. She knows I want her.

If I were to go in outcome independent. It’ll be “Hey what’s up girl, =) give me your number” could have work.

Or I could go in totally confident and cool. Think James Bond “Hey, give me your number” which is totally too serious and over the top. It works if the chick is interested. In reality, James Bond style is bad for ice breaking. This kind of number closing leave no room for alternatives, yes or no, it’s awkward for the girl. I had heard about this from a girl and the girl gave the guy number but she really doesn’t want to, she just do it to be polite.

Direct is high risk, and high reward.

While I could still be rejected. Here what are the groundworks that make things work. The eye contact exchanges and I was nervous when I ask for her number, which make me seem genuine and relatable cause she’s nervous too.

While I learn this too late, nevertheless, I learn that outcome independent, is not genuine.

This year I’ve been experimenting with being direct, and I must I’m enjoying it a lot. It’s much more my way of doing things. While there are times I hit off the right timing, all of them are good experience. There are also times I wasn’t direct enough. This was with a girl at a convenient store.

“I want to kiss you the first time I see you” (whisper to her ear in a serious tone)
“Hahahaha, no it’s not true” (she’s not buying it)

and there wasn’t any IOI, I knew with the vibe I have to escalate but I didn’t.

Of course there are times when I made things awkward when I’m direct.