Last year, I’ve gone through this exercise and post it here. I read it again few days ago and realize how much I’ve grow this year.
So I redo the exercise and this time, I think the answers are much more refined.
1. Martial Art, social science,
other interest are computer games, card shuffle, movies, youtube artist, dancing, singing, food adventure, writing blog, travelling, culture,
2. I’m open minded, western cultured. I love to met interesting new people, food adventurous, fun loving
3. love and be loved.
4. to see good things in people
5. maturity, affectionate, fun loving.
6. to compliment me, I think maturity plays a big role as I’m never mature
in many aspect of life, I actually learn more with mature women.
I just love an affectionate girl, growing up, the female around me don’t show it,
and I wouldn’t know if my girl doesn’t show it.
I changed the order, fun loving as the 3rd, I need to be reminded how much fun I can be.
7. Confident, while I’m not the most confident guy in the world, i’m definitely confident in my choices in life.
Well groomed.
social, if I want to.
sexually adventurous.
8. To be the social man I always wanted to be, to face fear head on, have fun and be happy.
9. broken family, miri, pu experience
10. Name 3-5 beliefs you have about yourself that hold you back, and you would like to change.
11. not dominant, not leading enough.
my lack of dominant can be seen as compassion, as I care alot, just sometimes too much
Not leading enough, sometimes I jsut want to go along the flow.
12. to hurt and be hurt, that I become too needy or obsessed.
13. They think I’m a pretty face, confident.
I’m pretty much out of reach. 0 attainability as I’m always in my world. I need to change this.
This is an experience of mine, which happened like weeks ago. I thought there’s lots to be learn so here.
I went to this cafe lots of times, but this cute girl only works in the morning and morning is not my favourite time being out. So I’ve seen her couple of times, we exchange eye contact but barely say anything for chic chat, aside my orders and she coming to collect the bill and telling me how much to pay.
The first time I saw her, I think she’s beautiful, she may not be over the top, model beautiful but she is beautiful to me. And while I’ve been learning more about energy, looking at her, just makes me feel good. It’s like the “ahh” moment and sends good energy into my body like an inspiration.
I never thought of doing anything at first. The first time we made eye contacts, she smile, look side ways and look at me again. And I went into my mind, reference about this scenario detected. Yes I read about this. It’s an Indicator of Interest (IOI) still, I’m just there for breakfast, having a good time by myself.
So one day, I decided, I want to know this girl but because she’s shy, and I’m not in social mode in the morning, I never made real conversation with her. I asked for her name once but totally forgot about it soon.
So I just decided I’m gonna ask for her number since the social setting isn’t comfortable for us to talk at her work place. So I went to the cafe in the morning again, but I didn’t do anything about her. I was waiting for a somewhat perfect moment, didn’t happen.
Then, one morning, after she collect the money from me, I just go “give me your number” I wasn’t confident at all, my heart was bumping fast, and when I say those 4 words, my mind stop. Which reminds me of the time when I ask a girl at Singapore “Where can I get some condom” but this time, I wasn’t ready to burst into laughter, this time, I felt like I was going to die. She was shocked, but she complies.
Last week we talk about the my number closing day, and she told me there’s another guy who asked for her number but because he was too direct, she find it creepy so she didn’t.
To break down everything.
In terms of being direct, everything is calibrated as it’s direct. She knows I want her.
If I were to go in outcome independent. It’ll be “Hey what’s up girl, =) give me your number” could have work.
Or I could go in totally confident and cool. Think James Bond “Hey, give me your number” which is totally too serious and over the top. It works if the chick is interested. In reality, James Bond style is bad for ice breaking. This kind of number closing leave no room for alternatives, yes or no, it’s awkward for the girl. I had heard about this from a girl and the girl gave the guy number but she really doesn’t want to, she just do it to be polite.
Direct is high risk, and high reward.
While I could still be rejected. Here what are the groundworks that make things work. The eye contact exchanges and I was nervous when I ask for her number, which make me seem genuine and relatable cause she’s nervous too.
While I learn this too late, nevertheless, I learn that outcome independent, is not genuine.
This year I’ve been experimenting with being direct, and I must I’m enjoying it a lot. It’s much more my way of doing things. While there are times I hit off the right timing, all of them are good experience. There are also times I wasn’t direct enough. This was with a girl at a convenient store.
“I want to kiss you the first time I see you” (whisper to her ear in a serious tone)
“Hahahaha, no it’s not true” (she’s not buying it)
and there wasn’t any IOI, I knew with the vibe I have to escalate but I didn’t.
Of course there are times when I made things awkward when I’m direct.
I’ve been reading through this blog for past archive and I realize there are something that are meant personal and there are something I really want to share it.
And today, while juggling ideas in my mind things to write. I decided, i need to make up my mind about this blog of mine.
This blog will be documentation on my thoughts, ideas and lifestyle for the whole transformation towards being social, adventurous, spontaneous person and how I had achieved my ideals.
I personally try not to kiss and tell, but I will post for education purpose and for people who are not familiar in this new world I step in, to be able to read, understand and relate how everything I’ve done is possible for them too.
All my life, I had been different. I always envy those who have their own crowd and their own gangs of friends. One of my goals in self development, is to achieve that. However, I’ve been learning from the best teacher, and what I want to be, as a person, standout too much from the rest. In my 3 months time in Curtin Malaysia, I haven’t have a crowd of friends. Aside from my lifestyle, I wonder why?
I also realize, my way of communications and mechanic, is way out of Asian culture. The first 2 months, although I tried my best to be super friendly and talked to anyone, I couldn’t relate to many, and vice versa. And because I stand out too much, even though I’m friendly, even though I’m good in many things, martial art, english, social dynamics, girls. I still couldn’t get buddies.
Until lately, I discover that, I have express so much great qualities of myself, but I rarely show my vulnerabilities. I don’t mean to confide deepest darkest secret to the next person I met in 5 minutes. Show vulnerabilities, but with calibration.
Disqualification. This technique is widely discussed among the teachings of Charisma Art. I myself got a great lecture from Dan’s blog from Charisma Tips. Before I get into disqualification, let me say this, showing vulnerabilities, takes confident and courage, and yes, I’m always scared shitless to do it.
Imagine talking to your favorite celebrity, would you be listening to him/her talking about the fame and success or do you think you’ll have an up close and personal conversation?
A rich man, doesn’t need need to tell people he’s rich.
If your favourite celebrity is going to consider you as friends, and is socially calibrated. He will never talk about fame and success, not without disqualification.
What is disqualification (DQ)?
Instead of copy and paste the definition, let’s go through the examples.
My personal experience are
Example 1
Me: “You are such a nice girl”
Girl: ” OH but I can be bad too”
Example 2
Girl: “You are so *insert the best compliment here*”
Me: “Oh thank you, but I’m not *insert the best compliment here*, sometimes I’m lazy”
Other examples which I’ve copied from Charisma Arts Forum and Dan’s blog are
“Are you a virgin?” Yeah, I can only last 10 secs.
You’re lame. Yeah I’m lame, I’m the king of lame, be careful or you’ll join my kingdom of lame.
You’re too young. “I absolutely agree, that’s the same thing my ex gf who was 10 years older than me.”
“Nice car.” Thank you, it just make up to my manliness.
What dq can achieve
confident, as you shown you are comfortable in your own skin, especially weakness.
turn weakness into strength
Communicate to others “You are perfect the way you are, I like the way you are, I am accepting the way you are”
Looking forward for an opposite view
relatable
And these ares my dq lines I have yet to share it with anyone. Oh and I mean it, for these dq.
I hate to kiss and tell. But it’s hard, and I find myself talking about it sometimes, so when I talk about it, I try to leave out the details.
I love confident people and being confident, still there are times I find myself getting scared shitless doing the things I do or to say something.
I flirt around alot, I’m always playful and not serious, still I only give the amount of what I think she could take. Unless I want more =)
I know my accent is different, but that doesn’t make me any better. I just put alot of time and effort since years ago and got a few tricks being good in English.
I love being around women, I don’t deny being a player, I actually care for everyone of the girl. and like them. genuinely appreciate them.
I hate to be such a control freak, I’m learning how to be in control and step up and still be considerate for others.
I’m not always this jolly, sometimes I pretend to be, the I take the first few steps and the flow will just come.
I hate being emo and complaining, but I see it as a sign I’ve reach my limit and I need to be taken care of, expressing it all out.
I can be high and party, or talk to anyone I like, there are times I dont’ talk at all, I just slow down, watch and listen.
I have to admit, things aren’t going where I wanted even though I tried hard. I guess I should have seen the signs, feeling tired, not motivated to socialize, playing dota again. Not that there’s anything wrong with the mentioned actions, but doing it for a period of time is not healthy for me.
I need that social momentum, where I tell the world “I am here” and fully expressed myself. I still haven’t figured out how much time I need to spend to socialize each day. I need one moment in each day, to be present, to say my mind’s words, to feel now and be now, say now. To be heard. Then I know I’m one with the world.
