Step up

Couldn’t find any documentation for the word step up in wiki or my 11th concise oxford english dictionary.

I was feeling sick and sleepy. The bowl that I used to eat my eggs were left on the basin unwashed because I just didn’t feel I have it to clean it. So I brush my teeth, and lie on my bed and I thought about today. Nothing happened. There is so much I could do, yet, nothing happened today. And why is that? Because I was afraid to make mistake, I was afraid of my own dissapointment.

Step up, to me, means being awake and aware of the pain, the surrounding and the world. I didn’t like to deal with this pain, it hurts so much. Yet I’m awake, right now, at this moment, feeling everything. I could let go of this feeling and sleep, but I hold on to it, and I’ll have some strength left to wash that bowl.

Another 13 days till my birthday, the only gift, I ever want, is to be my best self. I wouldn’t want to celebrate for being any less.

I’m hoping myself to be able to:
1. eat 2 eggs everyday, best in the morning.
2. Go out, in the evening.