All my life, I had been different. I always envy those who have their own crowd and their own gangs of friends. One of my goals in self development, is to achieve that. However, I’ve been learning from the best teacher, and what I want to be, as a person, standout too much from the rest. In my 3 months time in Curtin Malaysia, I haven’t have a crowd of friends. Aside from my lifestyle, I wonder why?

I also realize, my way of communications and mechanic, is way out of Asian culture. The first 2 months, although I tried my best to be super friendly and talked to anyone, I couldn’t relate to many, and vice versa. And because I stand out too much, even though I’m friendly, even though I’m good in many things, martial art, english, social dynamics, girls. I still couldn’t get buddies.

Until lately, I discover that, I have express so much great qualities of myself, but I rarely show my vulnerabilities. I don’t mean to confide deepest darkest secret to the next person I met in 5 minutes. Show vulnerabilities, but with calibration.

Disqualification. This technique is widely discussed among the teachings of Charisma Art. I myself got a great lecture from Dan’s blog from Charisma Tips. Before I get into disqualification, let me say this, showing vulnerabilities, takes confident and courage, and yes, I’m always scared shitless to do it.

Imagine talking to your favorite celebrity, would you be listening to him/her talking about the fame and success or do you think you’ll have an up close and personal conversation?

A rich man, doesn’t need need to tell people he’s rich.

If your favourite celebrity is going to consider you as friends, and is socially calibrated. He will never talk about fame and success, not without disqualification.

What is disqualification (DQ)?

Instead of copy and paste the definition, let’s go through the examples.

My personal experience are

Example 1

Me: “You are such a nice girl”

Girl: ” OH but I can be bad too”

Example 2

Girl: “You are so *insert the best compliment here*”

Me: “Oh thank you, but I’m not *insert the best compliment here*, sometimes I’m lazy”

Other examples which I’ve copied from Charisma Arts Forum and Dan’s blog are

“Are you a virgin?” Yeah, I can only last 10 secs.

You’re lame. Yeah I’m lame, I’m the king of lame, be careful or you’ll join my kingdom of lame.

You’re too young. “I absolutely agree, that’s the same thing my ex gf who was 10 years older than me.”

“Nice car.” Thank you, it just make up to my manliness.

What dq can achieve

confident, as you shown you are comfortable in your own skin, especially weakness.

turn weakness into strength

Communicate  to others “You are perfect the way you are, I like the way you are, I am accepting the way you are”

Looking forward for an opposite view

relatable

And these ares my dq lines I have yet to share it with anyone. Oh and I mean it, for these dq.

I hate to kiss and tell. But it’s hard, and I find myself talking about it sometimes, so when I talk about it, I try to leave out the details.

I love confident people and being confident, still there are times I find myself getting scared shitless doing the things I do or to say something.

I flirt around alot, I’m always playful and not serious, still I only give the amount of what I think she could take. Unless I want more =)

I know my accent is different, but that doesn’t make me any better. I just put alot of time and effort since years ago and got a few tricks being good in English.

I love being around women, I don’t deny being a player, I actually care for everyone of the girl. and like them. genuinely appreciate them.

I hate to be such a control freak, I’m learning how to be in control and step up and still be considerate for others.

I’m not always this jolly, sometimes I pretend to be, the I take the first few steps and the flow will just come.

I hate being emo and complaining, but I see it as a sign I’ve reach my limit and I need to be taken care of, expressing it all out.

I can be high and party, or talk to anyone I like, there are times I dont’ talk at all, I just slow down, watch and listen.